An hour ago I texted him complaining about a horrible headache that suddenly hit me. He told me to take some panadol but I said I didn’t have any. 30 minutes later, he called and said that he’s under my block with some paracetamol he bought from 7-eleven, and was there anything else that I want from the shop? I told him I didn’t, so he told me to open up the front door so he could pass the medication to me. At 4 in the morning.
I’m truly touched. He doesn’t have the means to buy me expensive jewelry or bags. He doesn’t shower me with flowers and chocs everyday. But it’s these things that are intangible, things that are priceless, that means so, so, so much more than a hundred/thousand-dollars piece of material… It makes me realise just how much this one person truly cares for me. And for that and that alone, I am blessed.
Thank you aril for loving me unconditionally, always, all ways.
Never thought I’d be lucky enough to be able to fully comprehend this. Never in a million years would I dream I’d be able to finally relate to this. But amazingly, now I do. Every. Single. Word… They make sense now. I understand. I see. And I feel it, now.
This new year celebration was a simple affair. Just the two of us, on an island not far off Singapore, with drinks in our hands, a beautiful, beautiful display of fireworks just above us, amidst hundreds of people but feeling like the only two in the world. I have always wanted an anniversary on new year’s day. Simply because it brings much meaning to the occasion.
Happy 1st year anniversary my dearest Aril. Here’s to many, many, many more years to come… Ily :)
The new year is coming and it brings along a myriad of sentiments. Right at this moment, if I were to take a step back and think of what has happened in 2011, I could and I would cry. I’ve always said in my year-end letters to myself that I think I’ve grown throughout the year. This time it’s no different. I have lost some very important things in my life. Things I love, things I adore, things I wish to see till the day I leave this world. But I won’t cry, for once it starts, it won’t stop. And after all, what’s the point? Life is but permanent. Everything changes. Plants wither. Even the largest mountains in the world shift in shape. And people? We grow old, we meet new people, we fall sick, we move on, we die. That is life.
Plus 2011 has not all been tears. Some of the most meaningful events in my life happened this very year. It has seen us getting engaged… The first step towards our forever :) That in itself is enough :) And of course, cone this 31st, it will be exactly a year since… :) And dad’s condition, although devastating at first, has improved tremendously these last few months. All thanks to Him.
So you see, I have a lot more to be happy about. No point dwelling in what’s gone. For it’s the now that matters, and what’s left behind. And there will be a lot happening in 2012, so much plans, so much to see, so much more to feel. The door behind’s closed, but the one in front remains open… Untouched. Unobstructed.
2012, I am looking forward to seeing you :)) Here’s to a happy, happy new year!
Dear you,
I never thought I’d grow to care for you as much as I do right this instant. I knew you were something the very moment I met you, but never have I expected myself to be able to love someone, anyone, the way that I do towards you. You are special to me in a manner unparalleled to anybody else I have met, and sometimes I wish for you to see yourself the way that I do because only then will you understand how deep my feelings are for you. I can try, but words can never truly describe how I feel each time I look at you.
I love you, truly.
Yours - always, all ways.
Last night we had an all-girls night at a local hotel, some sort like a pre-wedding night for A, who will be getting married in 2 weeks’ time. As we sat by the pool, snacking on kuaci and having our smokes, we talked of life, of love and of lust. We don’t often meet; at most once every 3 or 4 months. But when we do, it’s like all those months of separation never happened. The catching-up part takes up most of our time. I told them yesterday that I got engaged. I got to know S broke up with her Turkey boyfriend. I found out A’s mother is thinking of a divorce. The best thing about these girlfriends of mine is that we understand that we each have separate lives, that we are each busy with perhaps work or school or our own partners, but we are always, always a part of each other. S would call me and tell me she needed a smoke break and I would activate A and we’d both come down to her block the very night. I would open my door and see a box of Waffle Crisp with a note attached, “Found this at IMM Giant. Selamat melantak! Love, S.” These are the people I’ve been with for 7 years of my life. We have seen each other through all the different boyfriends, school, work, family, all those changes… And they are still here. Sometimes I get people on my FB saying “Yelah sekarang kau kan dah lesap2, mana nak keluar dengan kita lagi. Kau nak keluar dgn budak2 TV jer” I silently give them a big “FUCK YOU” from the bottom of my heart. It used to affect me but now I can hardly give a damn. For friends do not make mindless accusations and give sarcastic remarks. I know myself; my friends know myself. Those who don’t simply do not matter. Period.
Cause people come and go. & friends come and go. That is only normal. And I believe I have come to terms with that. I have my true ones, I have my fiance, I have my family. I am good to go.
It began with a friendship: honest and real and simple. We laughed, we cried, we fought, we shared secrets and we knew the worst of each other. But it fits; we fit. Like a glove. It is effortless.
These three words may have been overused; they are spread across thousands of Hollywood flicks and uttered by millions of like-hearted individuals all over the world. I may have used them before in the past, as you may have too. But I say these words now to you, and only you. I say it from the bottom of my heart, from the innermost corners of my soul, from the deepest part of my very being, and I say it now.
I love you.
May our engagement be the beginning of a beautiful, blissful and blessed journey together for you and I. We may fight and we may fall but we will find strength in being together - always, all ways. InsyaAllah, amin.
All else past, everything else does not matter and everyone else is but history.
I am lying on my bed at 3.07am in the morning on the 10th of December and thinking of what will be happening later at 2pm. I know it is just a small family gathering and there will be no official ties to speak of but still there is this funny feeling in my heart.. Nervous and excited. But deep deep down where I know it’s true, I feel……happy. Just..very, happy. :)
So much has happened ever since the big news. Things started going on a downturn the moment we were counting down our big day. Sometimes when things seem already at its worst, something terrible happens and it takes us by surprise. Just the other day he was sending me back home with a half-pancit rear tyre and we sat down on the bench and talked of our problems and we suddenly started laughing - “how can anyone be so suay one?!!?!”
It’s easy to say yes when you’re in a good mood. When everything is fine and dandy and lovey and dovey, it’s only normal for you to to smile and say yes. But when things get difficult and harsh but you still hold hands and smile and say yes.. Or when you know you could find someone better, richer, a graduate with possibly a five-figure income every month had you wanted to, but you willingly choose to stay on… That’s when you know this is something different. That’s when you learn the true meaning and significance of faith. That’s when you really love.
We were talking to a close friend just a couple of days ago and he listened to our neverending problems and at the end he remarked, “You both have so many problems but it is never about your faith in each other. You should count yourselves lucky… Some couples may have all the riches in the world but they have unsettled issues between themselves. Truth be told, I would rather be you than them.”
So, yes… I count my blessings each and every day. Yes I yearn for treats every now and then and yes I do wish we could go out on dates like normal couples and like I used to. But to be quite honest… This sounds cheesy but… Nothing is worth more than just being next to the one you truly, truly love. Not even the fanciest of dinners nor the most expensive of rings. That is one out of the many, many things I have learned and seen for myself in 2011.
Fa inna ma’al ‘usri yusra.
“1:45am, means left 3 hrs 45 mins!!!”
“You go and sleep lah, later cannot angkat speaker.”
“I prepare myself liao… Kerja kuli batak one.”
“Haiyo…”
“For the money I sanggup. Also I got motivation.”
“What thing?”
“You lah. I dedicate this work to you. It’s for you.”
- 21/11/2011, 0209hrs
Sweet not in a revolting, stop-it-eh-menyampahnye-aku way, just……sigh :)
The past couple of weeks have been amazing. We went on dates, had sleepovers, met up with friends… Every single day without fail he would insist on sending and fetching me to and from work, even if it means having to wake up at 7am on most days. He is possibly the sweetest but he is unaware of it all. The past few days I’ve spent time with him and now that he is in camp, i feel sad but at the same time it feels surprisingly nice to miss him. It makes me realize how much i love this guy and everything about him. It makes me think of all the good times this past one year. Everything from our brilliant Thailand trip to how we came to be to his scent to the feel of his skin on mine: strong and rough and smooth and just..right.
It has not been easy. I do not think anybody else, not even the closest to our kinds, can possibly fathom what we have to go through to get to where we want to be. But I have always been a believer of love; love for family, love for friends and love for that one special man. When there is love, there is understanding and trust and faith. And the relentless need to push away all assumptions and negativity and shit. Where there is love, there comes the strength to pull through anything and everything. Despite these uncertain times, there is one thing that has always, always been certain; one thing that I have never found the need to doubt; one lone standing fact that remains; and that is that ril loves me. Each time something comes along the way, it makes things seem impossible and difficult, but I think of him and I think of us and I think “everything is going to be alright” and I feel like I can, and I want to, and I will, pull through it all with him by my side. And that, ultimately, is all that matters.
“They don’t know. They can assume, they can guess, but they don’t know. And there is no point explaining because some people simply will never be able to understand how you both feel. Give in and move on. Sebab kalau kita mengalah tak semestinya kita yang kalah.”
So here’s Indifference for all things unnecessary. Bring it on.
Made plans for our triple one at expo, and all the time I was thinking “I’m here, with him, doing this.” :)
The best birthday gift. This trip brought us closer than ever. Every moment that we spent together was nothing less than perfect. I had him all to myself in this trip; he made sure that I did not have to share him with anybody else. I feel closer to him than I have ever been and more clearer it seems to me that this is it: this is him. The picture is complete. I miss every single thing about this trip…every single thing. Like walking hand in hand down the streets of tranquil Aonang & hectic Pratunam. Like staying up till late sitting at our balcony overlooking the pool at Aonang and talking about everything and anything. Like having our standard meal of rice and green curry and omelette and eating with our hands without giving a damn that we are at a fancy restaurant. Like walking and walking and walking under the hot Bangkok sun trying to find our hotel. But the thing I miss the most is waking up from a deep slumber and feeling that perfect, comforting wave of calm and bliss in knowing that he is there right next to me. I’m just glad that we found each other. Very, very glad.
